Had two profound (in my world) lessons around feedback/feedforward in the past few days.
On Saturday, I got some feedback from people who love me, and I had this interesting reaction around that feedback. All I had in mind was: “they just didn’t understand me… they don’t know me… they don’t understand me…. they will never understand me… nobody ever understands me…. blah-blah-blah-blah… ”, and a bodily reaction and emotional reaction that were hard to ignore. After an hour of self pity and inner whining, I realized that actually they were precisely right with their feedback. Now it’s up to me to act on it, or to ignore it and keep doing what I’ve always done while expecting a different level of satisfaction .
My learnings from this:
First, if feedback arouses emotions – it’s a good indicator that there is something useful in this feedback. The bigger the emotions around it – the bigger the potential to affect future outcomes this feedback has.
Second, if ten people tell you that you are a donkey – time to check your behind for a tail.
And then, I had another epiphany: people who drive me crazy the most (in a good way, in a bad way, doesn’t matter) – they are the people I need the most in my life in order to grow and progress. In some sense they are angels helping me to become the best I can become.
I had a blast this morning. It still brings a smile to my face and “inner-giggling” when I think about it. I changed my perspective in looking at someone’s behaviour that used to drive me crazy (or to put it in the right way, someone’s behaviour I used to choose to be driven crazy by) and realized that it’s me in front of me… mirror effect. I was: “It’s me… me…. me…” like in the conversation between Phil and Rita in “Groundhog Day” where she describes the man of her dreams:
Phil: Who is your perfect guy?
Rita: Intelligent, supportive, funny.
Phil: Intelligent, supportive, funny….. me…. me… me.
Rita: He is romantic and courageous.
Phil: me also
And it goes on and on. LOL. Totally cool! There is still energy in my relationships with this person but it changed from destructive to productive.
I got a whole new meaning to the idea that when you point your finger at someone accusing this person in something, three bent fingers are pointing back at you.
Keith Cunningham says “Hell on Earth is meeting the person you could have been”. People who drives us crazy are here to protect us from that self-created Hell….
Off for a busy wonderful day,