Сижу на кухне, пью Малбек, слушаю “но я остаюсь”, читаю Фаину Раневскую – гремучая смесь и мне хорошо…. не классно, не здорово, а просто хорошо, и от этого хорошо тоже….
I was making Russian pancakes, listening to online radio where iconic Russian singer Vladimir Vysotsky was singing his stories (it seems that I remember his voice for as long as I remember myself). And I was thinking that here I am in my brand new kitchen that is absolutely lovely and totally practical (a product of endless debates, negotiations, sacrifices between me and my husband – I call it synergy ;)), on the opposite side of the globe from where I was born, in a different country I love and now call my home. I have a wonderful husband and amazing sons; I even have a dog – my childhood dream that didn’t come true while I was a child.
I was thinking why do I have all this? Why am I so lucky and so blessed? What did I do personally to be at the place I am in my life right now?
The answer that it is just some terrible mistake has been haunting me for a while…. Then I thought maybe it is a “paying forward” thing….
At this moment, as I’m writing to you, I think maybe it is the ultimate test for my soul – when you have seemingly everything – anything else is up to who you really are at your core: what will I do now, when I don’t need to survive, when my basic needs are taken care of – will I be a parasite, will I stagnate; or will I grow, develop and contribute….
Uncombed thoughts – wanted to share while they are fresh, otherwise I’ll not share them at all….