Uncombed Thoughts

Christmas Thoughts

Making gingerbread cookies. Sasha is playing nearby. Listening to Christmas music. Thinking: what if another Jesus is already born. What if it is my or your kid, or your neighbor kid, or a kid in your kid’s class? What if all of them have the potential to become the one? Or what if it is not about The One this time, what if it is about All Together? How would we treat our kids if we know that they are not only our kids, but Saviors as well? What skills would we teach them? What truths? How differently would we treat ourselves? What standards would be hold for ourselves to influence and inspire our kids? Just something to think about….

Uncombed Thoughts

мне хорошо

Сижу на кухне, пью Малбек, слушаю “но я остаюсь”, читаю Фаину Раневскую – гремучая смесь и мне хорошо…. не классно, не здорово, а просто хорошо, и от этого хорошо тоже….

Uncombed Thoughts

I will grow, develop and contribute

I was making Russian pancakes, listening to online radio where iconic Russian singer Vladimir Vysotsky was singing his stories (it seems that I remember his voice for as long as I remember myself). And I was thinking that here I am in my brand new kitchen that is absolutely lovely and totally practical (a product of endless debates, negotiations, sacrifices between me and my husband – I call it synergy ;)), on the opposite side of the globe from where I was born, in a different country I love and now call my home. I have a wonderful husband and amazing sons; I even have a dog – my childhood dream that didn’t come true while I was a child.

I was thinking why do I have all this? Why am I so lucky and so blessed? What did I do personally to be at the place I am in my life right now?

The answer that it is just some terrible mistake has been haunting me for a while…. Then I thought maybe it is a “paying forward” thing….

At this moment, as I’m writing to you, I think maybe it is the ultimate test for my soul – when you have seemingly everything – anything else is up to who you really are at your core: what will I do now, when I don’t need to survive, when my basic needs are taken care of – will I be a parasite, will I stagnate; or will I grow, develop and contribute….

Uncombed thoughts – wanted to share while they are fresh, otherwise I’ll not share them at all….

Uncombed Thoughts

What is common between healthy ferns and healthy relationships?

Fern leavesI was watering my ferns.

I love ferns.  I love them for no obvious reasons.  Maybe, it is ancient memory of old times when my prehistoric relatives were hiding in them from sable-tooth tigers.  Or maybe not.

And, actually, do we really need reasons to love something or somebody?  I just love my ferns.  I do.

As I was watering my ferns and enjoying being with them, I noticed how careful I am around these plants doing everything for not damaging any leaves.

Then I noticed a few pots that used to host green and healthy ferns, and now host something dry and ugly.  And I thought that I would never purposefully do anything active to hurt my plants, and at the same time, when I am caught in business of everyday life, I can easily forget to water them… as a result more gentle of them die, and  the more sturdy suffer silently…

Hmmmm…. Something to think about….

It reminded me of relationships – to have flourishing ones it is not enough not hurting each other, it also requires consistent energy and time investment.
And then I was thinking of people I love, who used to be in my life and whom I would love to have in my life, and  I don’t anymore…

And then I was thinking of people I do have in my life and how blessed I am to have these “sturdy ferns”.  Who are they?  Am I here for them? Do I nourish our relationships?

I was watering my ferns…

It is a Keeper! (My Bookself)

Larry Winget “Black&White”

Book "Black & White" by Larry WingetLarry Winget “Black&White”.  I picked this book from the shelf yesterday looking for a quote for Mother’s day.  I picked it yesterday, and I still can’t put it back.  Since the time I read it last time I’ve already forgot how sharp and bold 🙂 the guy is.

Some of my favorites from this book:

*  Empty.  All used up.  My epitaph.  That’s what will be on my tombstone.  It means that if you can eat it, I’ve eaten it. If you can drive it, I’ve driven it.  If you can ride it, I’ve driven it.  If you can read it, I’ve read it.  If you can listen to it, I’ve heard it.  If you can say it, I’ve said it.  If it can be done, I’ve done it.  I don’t want to die with things still left to do.  And though that will happen, I want to spend the time I have doing everything I ever dreamed of doing.

* God can handle the cynicism and the questioning;  the religion has the problem with it.

* Discover your uniqueness and learn to exploit it in the service of others and you are guaranteed success, happiness and prosperity.

*Stress comes from knowing what is right and doing what is wrong.

* The stranger you are, the better you have to be. That’s why I have to be really good.

* The Big Questions of LifeAm I happy?Am I healthy?Am I serving?Am I loving?Am I learning?Am I having fun?Am I doing something that I enjoy?Am I prosperous?
If the answer to all of these questions is yes, then celebrate.
If the answer to any of these questions in no, then do something immediately to change things in your life.

*If you life sucks,It is because you suck.
If your business sucks,It is because as a business person you suck.
If your sales sucks,It is because as a salesperson you suck.
If your employees suck,It is because as a manager you suck.
If your customer service sucks,it is because you deliver sucky customer service.

* When you messed up, big deal.  Just admit it, fix it and move on.  Other than that, life is a party.

* After a lot of research and personal searching, this is what I believe to be true of God:
God is not a he, a she or an it.  God is the Presence of Good and the Action of Love.
God is not a personification but a unification.  The unification of all that is good and all that is positive and all that is love.
God is not mean or vengeful.
God doesn’t care who wins the Super Bowl.
God doesn’t think you are special, but thinks that everyone and everything is perfect in every way just the way it is therefore there is no need for a word special.  None is above another.
God loves and accepts you just the way you are; there is no need to change in order to have approval.
God is not loving.  To say that God is loving implies that God can be something other than love.  God can’t. God IS love.
God doesn’t need to punish you and won’t.  You punish yourself enough, so God doesn’t need to.  We are not punished FOR our sins.  We are punished BY our sins.
God doesn’t judge.  People judge.  God accepts.  You don’t have to change for God to love you.  However, you may have to change for people to love you.
God doesn’t reward us based on our goodness.  Goodness is the reward.
God has a lot of things to say to you.  But you usually have to be quiet to hear it.  Your message from God is very private and very unique to you.
God believes in you.
God wants the best for you.
God wants you to be happy, successful, healthy and abundant in every way.  It is not Godly to do without it or suffer.  It is just the opposite.  We are given incredible talents and abilities.  Each and every of us; no one is without those talents and abilities.  The were given to us to use.  Not to use them is a slap in the face of God.
God is more interesting in you listening to God, than in you talking to God.  So many people are telling to talk to God – and that is fine.  I just believe that most of us talk way too much.  It is important to listen.


Uncombed Thoughts

Bless people who drive you crazy

Had two profound (in my world) lessons around feedback/feedforward in the past few days.

On Saturday, I got some feedback from people who love me, and I had this interesting reaction around that feedback.  All I had in mind was: “they just didn’t understand me… they don’t know me… they don’t understand me…. they will never understand me… nobody ever understands me…. blah-blah-blah-blah… ”,  and a bodily reaction and emotional reaction that were hard to ignore.  After an hour of self pity and inner whining, I realized that actually they were precisely right with their feedback.  Now it’s up to me to act on it, or to ignore it and keep doing what I’ve always done while expecting a different level of satisfaction .

My learnings from this:

First, if feedback arouses emotions – it’s a good indicator that there is something useful in this feedback. The bigger the emotions around it – the bigger the potential to affect future outcomes this feedback has.

Second, if ten people tell you that you are a donkey – time to check your behind for a tail.

And then, I had another epiphany: people who drive me crazy the most (in a good way, in a bad way, doesn’t matter) – they are the people I need the most in my life in order to grow and progress. In some sense they are angels helping me to become the best I can become.

I had a blast this morning.  It still brings a smile to my face and “inner-giggling” when I think about it.   I changed my perspective in looking at someone’s behaviour that used to drive me crazy (or to put it in the right way, someone’s behaviour I used to choose to be driven crazy by) and realized that it’s me in front of me… mirror effect.   I was: “It’s me… me….  me…” like in the conversation between Phil and Rita in “Groundhog Day” where she describes the man of her dreams:
Phil: Who is your perfect guy?
Rita: Intelligent, supportive, funny.
Phil: Intelligent, supportive, funny….. me…. me…  me.
Rita: He is romantic and courageous.
Phil: me also

And it goes on and on.  LOL.  Totally cool!  There is still energy in my relationships with this person but it changed from destructive to productive.

I got a whole new meaning to the idea that when you point your finger at someone accusing this person in something, three bent fingers are pointing back at you.

Keith Cunningham says “Hell on Earth is meeting the person you could have been”. People who drives us crazy are here to protect us from that self-created Hell….

Off for a busy wonderful day,

Love you,


It is a Keeper! (My Bookself) Mentors

To Dr. Seuss With Love

I fell…
No! I am falling
And falling in love…
No, I’m not falling… I’m rising:
Love takes me above…

It takes me above
To a wide open air
It’s opener here
Even more then was there.

And as flying above
I am seeing great sights
And joining high fliers
Who soar to high heights.

You’ve known him forever
I haven’t… I’m new…
I’m lucky I haven’t…
Cause now I do.

I am lucky I met him
Not a long while ago
Cause today I’m who I am
And I know what I know.

I lucky I met him
Cause of that I am more,
Much-much more,
much-muchly more I-er
than I was before

His words make me think
His words make me feel
His words make me wonder.

Make me
Think, feel and wonder.
And then wonder and think:
“How much water
Can 55 elephants drink?”

His words take me left
His words take me right
or right-and-three-quarters…
Or, maybe, not quite…

I have brains in my head
And feet in my shoes
His words take me in any direction
I choose.

His name starts with “S”
And ends up with “euss”
Pre-named with “D”, “R”
And rhythms up with “lose”.

It rhythms up with “lose”
And I may, if I want,
But I want to do not
So I won’t. Yep, I won’t.

I’ll remember to Step
with care and great tact
and remember that Life’s
a Great Balancing Act.
And I’ll never forget
to be dexterous and deft.
And I’ll never mix up
my right foot with my left.

Funny sometimes is my English.
My Russian can be foreign to you.
But I can speak Heart-ssian and Heart-lish.
Yes I can. And I know you can too.

So in my Heart language
These are words I’ll choose:
“I love you, I’m thankful,
I’m muchly much grateful
For you Dr. Seuss.”


Sharp Targeting


Dead Koi Fish BodyI just discovered that during the last night a raccoon caught one of our koi, ate half of it and left the rest on the deck for later use.  Poor little fish…  I don’t know how to bring the news to my dad – it was his favorite one, he picked it, he named it…

I’m amazed, though, by raccoon’s intelligence and determination  – the koi pond we have is covered with a fine net, and only in one place the net was loose and the raccoon took advantage of it.

Weird enough (though coming back from Keith Cunningham’s Flying Solo – how to start a business seminar can justify it a little bit)  it reminded me about one of the keys to the business success – the necessity of laster-sharp targeting:  you better spectacularly please few people, then casually please everyone – find the niche, or, as I go back to the raccoon, find the hole in the net.

Now, I am going to take a postmortem portrait of what we used to call our fish in order to show it to the guy who takes care of our pond.

With love,



Not using your strengths is out of discussion. How to define them – this is a question.

Found that it is easy to fall into the trap of the perfection of the Universe, meaning that if everything is for some purpose, if there are no coincidences, if the world was created wisely, then why bother and do anything – life is great anyway.

This thought was in my mind on and off for a while now. Today I think I finally got it: if I accept all the above, that means that there is a reason I am here, that there is a reason you are here, there is a reason we were given some particular characteristics, some gifts, some talents and it’s our mission to use them, because us using those gifts are the part of the bigger plan, it serves all others on some level. It’s like if I am a tree – my mission is to be green and create oxygen, and to give life to other trees, and fertilize soil with my leaves and so on.

To protect us from logical games of our mind – “why bother?” – we were given feelings – and when we are not in harmony with our purpose/mission we are bothered by the unpleasant feeling of emptiness, waste of life, lack of fulfillment.

Here where I am currently experience some “stuckness” – how to define what are your gifts or talents – stop doing what you are good at, start doing what you are great at.  Logically it is something that you are really great at, but when you are great at something you assume that everybody else is also great at that same thing, because for you doing that it’s like creating oxygen for a tree, therefore how you can serve others if they posses the same qualities already.   How one can find and defined what he is great at?  And how to apply them the more productively?


Way out is through the spirit


Talked with Max about substance addictions this morning – short, but  insightful.  Triggered the following thoughts:

we are trinity of  body, mind and spirit. At the “deep down” point of addiction mind and body are hugely affected by the substance, so people can’t think clearly, if they can think at all about anything but drugs and pain… So at this point to rely on body or mind doesn’t provide with the solution and the only way out is to reconnect with the spirit. At the deepest point you surrender to something bigger than you – either death – and people die, or life – and people go for support of any kind – to do so one needs to have faith, faith is from a spiritual realm.  These thoughts are raw, I just need to dump them somewhere to continue with a productive day at the office.

Any thoughts on topic appreciated.

With love,